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Hey everybody, welcome back to this life
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of ours. Today, I want to talk
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about thought errors that end up becoming
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limiting beliefs. Now in the everyday
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world, I don't know why my brain
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just went to Harry Potter. In the Muggle
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world, a thought
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error is basically a lie. So, why
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do we lie to ourselves? Why do
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we create beliefs that limit our
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potential? It's not because we're broken.
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It's not because we need to overanalyze
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every thought we have, or we're not
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good at decisions. It's because some
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thoughts quietly shape the way we
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live for years simply because they feel
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true; they feel true. So, when I
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what I'm calling a thought error or
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a limiting belief probably feels like
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just the truth to you. It's not
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even something that you came up with.
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It just is.
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Sometimes, it takes something ridiculous.
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like tuna to
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realize how convincing our
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brains can be.
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Let's get into it.
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Welcome to This Life of Ours,
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a space for real conversations, heartfelt
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insight, and everyday coaching. I'm your
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host coach, Emily B. Life coach,
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storyteller, deep feeler, and Vermont
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hobby farmer. Around here, we talk
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through what it means to grow, feel, and
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stay grounded in the life you've got
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while reaching for the one you want. I'll
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teach, I'll coach, I'll talk to myself.
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No matter the episode, I hope you leave
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feeling a little more connected and a
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little less alone in this life of yours,
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I'm so glad you're here.
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So, I'm going to start this with a story,
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a story about tuna. If you're in the
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membership, you might have heard me talk
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about this. If you follow me on social,
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maybe you saw me make a real about this.
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It clearly is taking up space in my brain
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still, because here I am and I'm going to
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talk about it again. But I think it's
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such great evidence for how powerful, how
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convincing our brains can really
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be.
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So, I had one of these
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moments recently where I realized how
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quickly my brain, your brain, can
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rewrite a story and feel so
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true, and that pivots our action
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instantly. I was in New
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York City for one of my meet ups, and we
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went to South St. Seaport, and we went to
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Industry Kitchen for lunch which it was
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delicious. This is nothing about their
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their food wasn't good. No, it was a
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great place, and I would go again.
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Definitely. But
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what happened, was what I was
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eating was not what I thought
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I ordered because I thought there was a
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mistake. So, let me make that make sense.
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I ordered ahi tuna nachos.
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Sounds pretty self-explanatory, right?
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I'm going to get tuna on nachos, OK. And
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so the whole point, too, was I wanted to
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try something I've never tried before,
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and I wanted to make sure it was
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something that I wouldn't make on my own.
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Both of those were true. I've never had
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ahi tuna nachos, and that's not something
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I would make because I don't think
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anybody else in the house would eat it,
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and I'm not going to do that. So, there's
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that. So, I'm proud of myself, right? And
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then in comes my plate. If I can find a
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picture; I do have a picture. Can I share
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this with you?Hold on one
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second. OK, those
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of you on the YouTube video
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podcast, you're welcome. Here's a
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picture. So here are said nachos.
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If I were to zoom in on these nachos,
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let's see, do I know how to zoom in this?
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I don't. OK, Move your
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face closer, make those bigger. Do you
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see on top there's what I now
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know to be tuna, these little red
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pieces underneath the jalapeno. And
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there's lettuce, there's chips. It looks
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great, right?Looks delicious. OK,
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I'm here to tell you it was
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delicious. It was really delicious until
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I realized what it was. So, I'm
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eating this, these nachos and I'm
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wondering to myself, why doesn't this
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taste like tuna?Where's the
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tuna?Is there tuna?
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I come to the conclusion they forgot the
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tuna, and I decide this is great news.
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This is great news. I tried to try
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something new and they messed up so I
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don't have to try something new that I
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was a little on the fence about. And
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these nachos are delicious tea delicious.
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Seriously.
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Then, I passed my plate across the table
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with somebody else who I had already
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agreed, yes, I will share these nachos
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absolutely before they came. OK, so I ate
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half of that plate, decided pause. I
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think I've hit satisfied, which that's
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another thing. We're not overeating here.
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Yes, we can order nachos. No, we
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don't get fat eating nachos. Why? Because
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we pause when we've had enough. And
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we don't make a big deal of it. OK, there
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was another little mini lesson for you.
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You're welcome. So, I passed the nachos
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on because I'm ready to pause.
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And I say to her, "they're really good,
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but there's no tuna. They forgot."
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And she says there's no tuna. And I'm
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like, "No, Nope. " And I'm, I mean, I
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would have bet my bottom dollar I meant
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it. And she
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along with nearly everybody else's
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table, "it's like this is there's tuna
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all over these. There's there's tuna all
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over these." So, if we go back
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to the photo thatI just showed
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you. OK, so, back to
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the photo. There's tuna all over these.
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So, I'm looking at this, and I'm thinking
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the only thing they could possibly be
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looking at here is the red.
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The red must be the tuna, and
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I thought the red was tomatoes.
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It was not. No, it was not.
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So, in that second, first I'm in
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shock, then I'm in a little bit
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of disbelief and humor because Emily,
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seriously, you get this is so something
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you would do. Not realize what's
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happening. And then, I'm fascinated
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because all of a sudden this is
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disgusting to me. Nothing
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has changed about the plate. It's the
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same plate of food. Not a thing is
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different except what I am telling
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myself. I went from telling myself this
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is so good. I'm so proud of myself
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to they forgot tuna. That amps up my
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ability to keep eating this to now
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realizing no, there is tuna. You were
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wrong. Now I have a different feeling.
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Do I want any of them now? Do I want her
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to pass the plate back so I could have a
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couple more bites? Absolutely not. No, I
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don't. That's mindset. That's mindset.
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That poor tuna is just sitting here like
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you liked me 20 seconds ago. What
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happened?The reason I'm sharing
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this with you all is because, one, it's
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kind of funny, but two, we do this all
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over the place. We do this all over the
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place. We think something is something
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and it's not. We do this with meaning. We
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do this with intention. We do this with
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assumption. And we can be
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dead wrong. I mean so wrong, tomato
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and tuna wrong. And that changes our
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perspective from wow this is amazing to
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ohh my gosh disgusting. It can be
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that polar opposite in a matter of
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seconds. So This is why I teach
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this work. It's not so that I
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avoid all these things. It's not so that
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I don't try new things. It's so that
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when things like that happen, I can
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understand where's my responsibility in
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this? What do I have to learn here?
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And it also shows me the power of
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what you are thinking. One of
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the bigger concepts that we teach all
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throughout the week and all of our
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classes without even calling it this
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because it's just built into how we teach
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it. It's fact versus story. Before we get
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into our emotions about things, before we
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freak out about it being tuna, let's get
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into the facts of this. So if I were
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to break that into facts. The fact is, it
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was on the menu. The fact is I ordered
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it. The fact is, other people order it
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too. The fact is they serve it, so I'm
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assuming they think it's good. Now I'm
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getting out of the factory. That's where
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the brain wants to do. It's like, no, no,
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that's all true, but let me tell you what
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really matters. The fact is that what are
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those stories? It was raw. Yes, but
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the story that I created around that went
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much further than this is ahi tuna on
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nachos. It started adding. I can't
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believe I did that. That's so disgusting.
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Who puts raw fish on nachos? I mean,
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my story just kept going and going. And
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the further we let our story go, the
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further. We get from the fact, the
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further we get from what we make our
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truth with, right? So fact and truth are
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a little different because my truth can
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be based on something that's not fact,
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but if it feels true to me, I'm
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going to run my life through it.
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Right facts are very
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simple. They're pretty boring.
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The pool has water in it.
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Stories are layered, they're interesting,
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they pull people in, they romanticize
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things. The Fool looks so nice right now.
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The water is shimmering and sparkling.
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It's got a little bit of a wave
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to it, and I can see the reflection
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of the sun. That's all
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a story that sounds true, but it's my
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perspective of that, that truth. It's
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it's my perspective of the pool. Someone
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else might look out and see the pool
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and go, yeah, that looks like cold water.
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That's a story too, but it tells a
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different story and it gives a different
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energy. What we tell ourselves brings a
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feeling to our body. When we feel
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this way, we go do things or we stop
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doing things because we don't feel like
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it. The other
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place that I want to bring in
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fact and story that has had quite
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the impact on me just this morning
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in my thinking is realizing I have
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been living another story or another lie
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without even realizing it, without even
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realizing it. And this is growth you
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all, it's growth. To catch yourself in
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an area where you didn't think you
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were doing that, but you are, and
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be fascinated with that instead of
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shaming yourself. I can't believe.
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That's not going to be good for anybody
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when we do this. I can't believe business
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or why didn't you do that or blah, blah,
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blah. Not helpful. So, the fact and story
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of the moment I just caught was.
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I have been living, but I thought was
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a fact. I thought this was so true
265
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and it ends up limiting belief story.
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It's not a fact. And that was I
267
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can exercise early in the morning. The
268
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last time I had a really good exercise
269
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,647
pattern happening, it was early in the
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morning. Now I coach early
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in the morning. I mean, I'm up and I'm
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Adam. There's not exercise happening
273
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before that. So, I had this story going
274
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that one, I don't have time in the
275
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morning and two, I can't do it like other
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people because once I start my day, I'm
277
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already ready for my day. So, my it would
278
00:12:15,071 --> 00:12:17,860
have to look like this. You would have to
279
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get up, get ready, get on the computer
280
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for 6:15, do what I do, and then when I
281
00:12:22,991 --> 00:12:25,557
have a break in the morning, I'm going to
282
00:12:25,557 --> 00:12:27,838
go exercise and then I'm going to get
283
00:12:27,838 --> 00:12:30,118
ready again and then I'm going to come
284
00:12:30,118 --> 00:12:32,399
back to the computer. I couldn't wrap my
285
00:12:32,399 --> 00:12:34,394
head around that. I'm like, nobody gets
286
00:12:34,394 --> 00:12:36,390
ready twice or three times. People don't
287
00:12:36,390 --> 00:12:39,107
do that. So, I would delay.
288
00:12:39,107 --> 00:12:41,709
OK, Yeah, you're right. People don't do
289
00:12:41,709 --> 00:12:44,683
that. Let's do it later in the day.
290
00:12:44,683 --> 00:12:47,483
Let's try afternoon exercise. The
291
00:12:47,483 --> 00:12:49,911
thing about that is, well, now your kids
292
00:12:49,911 --> 00:12:51,731
are home and they're probably wondering
293
00:12:51,731 --> 00:12:54,158
why isn't she spending time with me? How
294
00:12:54,158 --> 00:12:56,282
is when she's exercising? She had all
295
00:12:56,282 --> 00:12:58,709
day, right? So the story just keeps going
296
00:12:58,709 --> 00:13:01,667
and exercise stays out of reach. This
297
00:13:01,667 --> 00:13:04,029
morning I finally caught the lie. And
298
00:13:04,029 --> 00:13:06,727
it's not like I'm like ha ha, but
299
00:13:06,727 --> 00:13:09,426
it's like, ah, there it is. There is
300
00:13:09,426 --> 00:13:12,125
what's getting in my way. And it was
301
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,824
the belief that I would need to go
302
00:13:14,824 --> 00:13:17,523
get ready again to come back to the
303
00:13:17,523 --> 00:13:20,345
computer. That's it. That is
304
00:13:20,345 --> 00:13:22,814
it. It's the belief that you can't get
305
00:13:22,814 --> 00:13:25,284
ready for work and go exercise and then
306
00:13:25,284 --> 00:13:27,136
go work looking like you've just
307
00:13:27,136 --> 00:13:29,296
exercised. You need to go work looking
308
00:13:29,296 --> 00:13:32,105
like you're ready for work. So
309
00:13:32,105 --> 00:13:34,240
I'm proving myself wrong because I think
310
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,375
it's important to prove this wrong. This
311
00:13:36,375 --> 00:13:39,120
is not a truth I want to dig my
312
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,560
heels into. That's not even an identity I
313
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:44,305
want. I don't want to be the coach who
314
00:13:44,305 --> 00:13:47,050
you log in and every time so you just
315
00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:49,185
looks amazing. No, that's not real life.
316
00:13:49,185 --> 00:13:51,625
That's not real life. Part of my real
317
00:13:51,625 --> 00:13:54,202
life. Is walking part of my real life? Is
318
00:13:54,202 --> 00:13:56,403
being outside and being messy part of my
319
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,605
real life? Is downstairs and in and out
320
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,806
of my kitchen trying to get dishes done
321
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:03,283
or trying to do this or trying to do
322
00:14:03,283 --> 00:14:05,485
that. That's my real life. Part of my
323
00:14:05,485 --> 00:14:07,687
real life is working with you all, is
324
00:14:07,687 --> 00:14:09,613
coaching you. So why not bring them
325
00:14:09,613 --> 00:14:11,815
together? And that's what I had done and
326
00:14:11,815 --> 00:14:14,692
without. Even realizing I had
327
00:14:14,692 --> 00:14:17,224
siloed the two departments
328
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:18,490
exercise work.
329
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,134
They're at odds. No, they're not.
330
00:14:23,134 --> 00:14:25,679
They can work really nicely together if I
331
00:14:25,679 --> 00:14:28,542
get my mind set in a place of how
332
00:14:28,542 --> 00:14:31,406
do I connect the two? How do I connect
333
00:14:31,406 --> 00:14:34,269
the 2? So I'm proud of myself again. Two
334
00:14:34,269 --> 00:14:36,814
things I'm proud of this week. Trying the
335
00:14:36,814 --> 00:14:39,424
tuna nachos. Being fascinated
336
00:14:39,424 --> 00:14:42,255
by my own mind and how
337
00:14:42,255 --> 00:14:45,087
quick it shifted gears there, but
338
00:14:45,087 --> 00:14:47,919
also testing out this thing where
339
00:14:47,919 --> 00:14:50,750
you have to be ready to
340
00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:53,110
be on camera to work.
341
00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:57,932
I don't know that that's true. I do
342
00:14:57,932 --> 00:15:00,755
not know that's true. I think that came
343
00:15:00,755 --> 00:15:03,224
from years of reporting to work outside
344
00:15:03,224 --> 00:15:06,047
of the home. I was teaching at all
345
00:15:06,047 --> 00:15:08,869
different levels, and I think it was you.
346
00:15:08,869 --> 00:15:11,692
You present yourself in a certain way. I
347
00:15:11,692 --> 00:15:14,514
wouldn't just go to school in my pajamas
348
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,954
and teach. Which I wouldn't and I
349
00:15:16,954 --> 00:15:19,073
wouldn't come here and coach in pajamas
350
00:15:19,073 --> 00:15:21,494
either. But that's not what I'm saying. I
351
00:15:21,494 --> 00:15:23,916
took that and I elevated it into that
352
00:15:23,916 --> 00:15:26,338
also means you don't show up in exercise
353
00:15:26,338 --> 00:15:28,457
clothes. That also means you don't show
354
00:15:28,457 --> 00:15:31,182
up in hair that looks like it's been in
355
00:15:31,182 --> 00:15:33,906
the wind. That all me. I mean, you have
356
00:15:33,906 --> 00:15:36,005
this whole list going without. Really
357
00:15:36,005 --> 00:15:38,972
realizing, one, that might not be
358
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:41,940
true. Two, that is getting in
359
00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:44,908
the way of you moving forward
360
00:15:44,908 --> 00:15:47,875
in your life. You've now made
361
00:15:47,875 --> 00:15:50,843
it a decision between your life
362
00:15:50,843 --> 00:15:53,811
and your exercise, your work and
363
00:15:53,811 --> 00:15:56,636
your exercise. That
364
00:15:56,636 --> 00:15:58,528
isn't, that's not going to work for me.
365
00:15:58,528 --> 00:16:00,183
And somewhere I must have known that's
366
00:16:00,183 --> 00:16:02,311
not going to work. She won't ever be able
367
00:16:02,311 --> 00:16:05,064
to do that. Umm,
368
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:07,661
so I've brought it within reach. Now I'm
369
00:16:07,661 --> 00:16:09,933
telling myself something that I think is
370
00:16:09,933 --> 00:16:12,530
actually a little more true. This is what
371
00:16:12,530 --> 00:16:15,127
we want. We want to catch the thoughts
372
00:16:15,127 --> 00:16:18,048
that are not true, and not so that we
373
00:16:18,048 --> 00:16:20,645
can say you're such a liar, you don't
374
00:16:20,645 --> 00:16:23,566
mean that, but so that we can ask what's
375
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:26,217
more true here. If this is
376
00:16:26,217 --> 00:16:29,117
not true, what is? Well, maybe it's true
377
00:16:29,117 --> 00:16:31,291
that you can actually exercise between
378
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,466
clients, or get dishes done between
379
00:16:33,466 --> 00:16:36,365
clients, or mow half of the lawn between
380
00:16:36,365 --> 00:16:39,137
clients. Maybe. And you could still
381
00:16:39,137 --> 00:16:41,490
log back in. You could still you off.
382
00:16:41,490 --> 00:16:44,138
This is hair that has been in the wind.
383
00:16:44,138 --> 00:16:46,786
It has walked. I'm in a step back. I'm
384
00:16:46,786 --> 00:16:48,845
probably losing my step bet because I'm
385
00:16:48,845 --> 00:16:51,493
also coaching. I want to do both. I want
386
00:16:51,493 --> 00:16:54,141
to do both. And you can do both, too.
387
00:16:54,141 --> 00:16:55,906
It's possible. It's possible, and I'm
388
00:16:55,906 --> 00:16:57,966
proving it. So, not one person this
389
00:16:57,966 --> 00:17:00,010
morninghas said to me. "What happened to
390
00:17:00,010 --> 00:17:03,003
your hair?Why did you change your
391
00:17:03,003 --> 00:17:04,967
shirt?" Because I did. I changed. I
392
00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:07,212
taught a class early and then I changed
393
00:17:07,212 --> 00:17:09,457
so that I could go outside and move
394
00:17:09,457 --> 00:17:12,195
around in my life. It
395
00:17:12,195 --> 00:17:14,753
was OK. Nothing happened. I still have
396
00:17:14,753 --> 00:17:17,676
work, I still have clients. I have more
397
00:17:17,676 --> 00:17:20,598
steps, I have more energy. My thinking is
398
00:17:20,598 --> 00:17:22,060
a little more clear.
399
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,1000
I might be on to something.
400
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:30,435
Yeah, this is why it's so
401
00:17:30,435 --> 00:17:33,170
imperative that we listen to our
402
00:17:33,170 --> 00:17:35,905
thinking and then let's get questions.
403
00:17:35,905 --> 00:17:38,639
Have a conversation. Don't just stop
404
00:17:38,639 --> 00:17:41,374
with. Yeah, right. Good point. You
405
00:17:41,374 --> 00:17:44,109
would have to do that. That's
406
00:17:44,109 --> 00:17:46,844
where I stopped without realizing that
407
00:17:46,844 --> 00:17:49,538
wasn't. Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait,
408
00:17:49,538 --> 00:17:52,363
wait. Doesn't have to be the end. You
409
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:54,835
can ask more questions. Why doesn't that
410
00:17:54,835 --> 00:17:57,660
work? Who says you have to be a
411
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,778
certain way? Who wants your hair
412
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:01,897
different? Who says an exercise shirt?
413
00:18:01,897 --> 00:18:04,721
Let me back up, I'll back
414
00:18:04,721 --> 00:18:06,840
up enough and exercise shirt.
415
00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:09,400
Yeah, look at this Reebok.
416
00:18:11,370 --> 00:18:13,336
Wearing sports sweatpants because I went
417
00:18:13,336 --> 00:18:15,630
out in the what temperature? Well, now
418
00:18:15,630 --> 00:18:18,579
it's 68. It was not earlier. I went out
419
00:18:18,579 --> 00:18:20,872
into the cool weather because I wanted
420
00:18:20,872 --> 00:18:23,721
steps. That did
421
00:18:23,721 --> 00:18:26,561
not mean I had to have heels on or
422
00:18:26,561 --> 00:18:29,401
a suit or dress pants or a button up
423
00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:31,926
shirt. Like that's OK. It's OK to change,
424
00:18:31,926 --> 00:18:34,766
to do what you need to do in your
425
00:18:34,766 --> 00:18:37,606
life and come back to what else is next
426
00:18:37,606 --> 00:18:39,500
as you are. So, you all.
427
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,152
You're going to see me merge my life and
428
00:18:43,152 --> 00:18:45,823
my work because it is one. It is one.
429
00:18:45,823 --> 00:18:48,792
This is not an I clock in at 5, er.
430
00:18:48,792 --> 00:18:51,761
I clock in at 9. I clock out at 5:00.
431
00:18:51,761 --> 00:18:54,136
No, I am emodying what I teach, which
432
00:18:54,136 --> 00:18:56,808
means this is my work, which is why this
433
00:18:56,808 --> 00:18:59,182
was causing so much friction. Why am I
434
00:18:59,182 --> 00:19:01,610
not finding where this?That was on the
435
00:19:01,610 --> 00:19:04,289
calendar. Oh, because it wasn't
436
00:19:04,289 --> 00:19:06,843
a calendar problem, it was a mindset
437
00:19:06,843 --> 00:19:09,762
problem. This time it was a thought error
438
00:19:09,762 --> 00:19:12,316
that had become so believable that you
439
00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:15,292
lived by it for months. And
440
00:19:15,292 --> 00:19:18,107
now, great news, you get to pick a
441
00:19:18,107 --> 00:19:20,219
different thought. You get to show
442
00:19:20,219 --> 00:19:22,683
yourself that might not be true. And
443
00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:25,146
notice, I'm not like, hey, that's not
444
00:19:25,146 --> 00:19:27,610
true. I'm curious about was that true?
445
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:31,403
Is it possible?To
446
00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:34,065
do this a different way, is it possible
447
00:19:34,065 --> 00:19:37,060
to show up on the screen with a face
448
00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:39,722
that is not all done with hair? That's
449
00:19:39,722 --> 00:19:40,720
not just right?
450
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,990
Will it still make an impact?
451
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:49,446
I think what I'm learning is it will
452
00:19:49,446 --> 00:19:52,122
and it is OK. And if that works
453
00:19:52,122 --> 00:19:54,797
for me, it works for my clients. This
454
00:19:54,797 --> 00:19:57,473
reminds me when my mom came to see
455
00:19:57,473 --> 00:20:00,149
me after I'd first had my daughter, which
456
00:20:00,149 --> 00:20:02,825
my daughter was my first born. It was
457
00:20:02,825 --> 00:20:05,501
such a ball of nerves. Like what do
458
00:20:05,501 --> 00:20:07,875
I do?How do I keep her alive? Is
459
00:20:07,875 --> 00:20:09,500
everything OK? Look how comfortable I am
460
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,126
just putting my chapstick on on video
461
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:11,590
with you.
462
00:20:14,670 --> 00:20:17,390
And she said the doctor told me.
463
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,576
If it, if it supports me, if it makes me
464
00:20:21,576 --> 00:20:23,733
happy, it's good for my child. And she
465
00:20:23,733 --> 00:20:26,159
took that and ran with it. But in a
466
00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:28,046
responsible way. Not like, well, if it's
467
00:20:28,046 --> 00:20:30,472
good for me to go out every night till
468
00:20:30,472 --> 00:20:32,629
1:00 AM, I'm doing it. It's good for
469
00:20:32,629 --> 00:20:35,056
Emily now, but in a way that's I'm not
470
00:20:35,056 --> 00:20:37,212
going to feel guilty for going to work.
471
00:20:37,212 --> 00:20:39,249
I'm not going to feel guilty. Stepping
472
00:20:39,249 --> 00:20:41,493
out to take a break. I'm not going to
473
00:20:41,493 --> 00:20:43,238
feel guilty for making plans with a
474
00:20:43,238 --> 00:20:45,233
friend. I'm not going to feel guilty for
475
00:20:45,233 --> 00:20:48,125
going on a trip. I'm
476
00:20:48,125 --> 00:20:51,002
not. I get to do
477
00:20:51,002 --> 00:20:53,783
that and I get to be here in all of
478
00:20:53,783 --> 00:20:56,286
these other roles. So, I get to be your
479
00:20:56,286 --> 00:20:58,789
coach, and I get to be somebody who goes
480
00:20:58,789 --> 00:21:01,569
out and gets my steps in. I get to be
481
00:21:01,569 --> 00:21:04,400
somebody who allows the wind. To pop
482
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,695
up and go through her hair and then still
483
00:21:06,695 --> 00:21:08,480
come back and coach the next person.
484
00:21:09,930 --> 00:21:12,271
So that's what I'm doing. I'm looking at
485
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,611
fact, and I'm looking at story and I'm
486
00:21:14,611 --> 00:21:16,952
asking myself, hey, what are we living by
487
00:21:16,952 --> 00:21:18,1000
here? Are we staying in the facts?
488
00:21:19,970 --> 00:21:22,534
Are we weaving a story that supports you,
489
00:21:22,534 --> 00:21:25,097
that moves you forward, or are we weaving
490
00:21:25,097 --> 00:21:27,020
a story that's actually causing friction?
491
00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:31,460
That story that's saying ohh I
492
00:21:31,460 --> 00:21:33,220
can't exercise consistently anymore
493
00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:34,980
because of my work.
494
00:21:35,950 --> 00:21:38,737
I'd have to constantly redo my hair and
495
00:21:38,737 --> 00:21:41,175
makeup. I'd need to change my clothes.
496
00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:44,103
It's too complicated. And
497
00:21:44,103 --> 00:21:46,832
even as I say it now, that sounds so
498
00:21:46,832 --> 00:21:48,954
true. It doesn't even sound dramatic. It
499
00:21:48,954 --> 00:21:50,470
sounds like, yeah, that's real.
500
00:21:53,060 --> 00:21:55,896
That's also why it it's
501
00:21:55,896 --> 00:21:58,733
important, really important, to ask
502
00:21:58,733 --> 00:22:01,590
questions. Is that a
503
00:22:01,590 --> 00:22:04,539
limiting thought?Is it practical or
504
00:22:04,539 --> 00:22:06,300
does it just sound practical?
505
00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:09,950
Do I need practicality right now?
506
00:22:11,670 --> 00:22:14,546
Hey. If we
507
00:22:14,546 --> 00:22:17,235
don't pause long enough to look
508
00:22:17,235 --> 00:22:19,923
at the thinking, we feel resistance,
509
00:22:19,923 --> 00:22:22,612
which is exactly where I was
510
00:22:22,612 --> 00:22:25,340
resistance. Let's figure
511
00:22:25,340 --> 00:22:28,096
this out. Because
512
00:22:28,096 --> 00:22:30,920
that resistance immediately assumes.
513
00:22:31,770 --> 00:22:33,633
This is impossible, It's unrealistic,
514
00:22:33,633 --> 00:22:36,614
it's too hard, and it's just the way
515
00:22:36,614 --> 00:22:39,595
my life is now. I used to be
516
00:22:39,595 --> 00:22:42,204
somebody that could exercise from 5:00 to
517
00:22:42,204 --> 00:22:44,440
5:45 AM and now not possible.
518
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,469
And I'll tell you, while that still could
519
00:22:47,469 --> 00:22:49,976
be true, that 5 to 5:45 AM won't work.
520
00:22:49,976 --> 00:22:52,205
What that does not mean is that any
521
00:22:52,205 --> 00:22:54,155
minute in the morning will work. That's
522
00:22:54,155 --> 00:22:56,903
not what that says. Right, that that
523
00:22:56,903 --> 00:22:59,253
kind of asks her for a question back of,
524
00:22:59,253 --> 00:23:01,342
okay, if that time won't work, then when
525
00:23:01,342 --> 00:23:03,953
will? And what a lot of us will do is
526
00:23:03,953 --> 00:23:05,781
come in and say, well, there's the
527
00:23:05,781 --> 00:23:07,609
conclusion. You're right, I can't do it
528
00:23:07,609 --> 00:23:10,560
then. And we think
529
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,823
that that's just more evidence for how,
530
00:23:12,823 --> 00:23:14,440
see, life is different now.
531
00:23:15,610 --> 00:23:18,199
It's not. It's evidence of you
532
00:23:18,199 --> 00:23:20,789
need another strategy. You need to
533
00:23:20,789 --> 00:23:23,379
talk this out. You need to
534
00:23:23,379 --> 00:23:25,968
think this through a little more
535
00:23:25,968 --> 00:23:28,944
carefully. Let's read between the lines
536
00:23:28,944 --> 00:23:30,630
here. What might we be missing?
537
00:23:34,260 --> 00:23:36,290
All right, I want to.
538
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:39,605
Invite you into
539
00:23:39,605 --> 00:23:42,602
reflection. What
540
00:23:42,602 --> 00:23:45,413
are you treating like a fact right
541
00:23:45,413 --> 00:23:48,225
now in your life that actually might
542
00:23:48,225 --> 00:23:51,215
be a story?And if you're not,
543
00:23:51,215 --> 00:23:53,206
if you're like, I have no idea. I don't
544
00:23:53,206 --> 00:23:55,197
think I am, or I wouldn't even know where
545
00:23:55,197 --> 00:23:57,908
to begin. Where do you feel
546
00:23:57,908 --> 00:24:00,111
friction? Where do you feel attention?
547
00:24:00,111 --> 00:24:02,681
Where do you feel resistance? And you're
548
00:24:02,681 --> 00:24:04,150
just not doing it?
549
00:24:05,620 --> 00:24:08,439
What's the practical limitation or
550
00:24:08,439 --> 00:24:10,130
the practical reason?
551
00:24:12,260 --> 00:24:14,620
And then is that true?
552
00:24:15,1000 --> 00:24:18,376
Or are you accidentally separating things
553
00:24:18,376 --> 00:24:20,751
that could work together? Like maybe
554
00:24:20,751 --> 00:24:23,127
parenting and creativity could work hand
555
00:24:23,127 --> 00:24:25,899
in hand? Maybe you could be a
556
00:24:25,899 --> 00:24:28,670
leader, and you could rest. Maybe you
557
00:24:28,670 --> 00:24:31,442
could have a business and take care
558
00:24:31,442 --> 00:24:34,162
of your health. Maybe structure
559
00:24:34,162 --> 00:24:36,568
gives you freedom. Maybe it's not one or
560
00:24:36,568 --> 00:24:39,508
the other. Maybe allowing the challenging
561
00:24:39,508 --> 00:24:42,130
emotions is what welcomes in the joy.
562
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:46,121
Right. But a lot of change, it starts
563
00:24:46,121 --> 00:24:48,192
with questioning the sentence that we're
564
00:24:48,192 --> 00:24:50,954
saying. And I think there's a lot of
565
00:24:50,954 --> 00:24:53,025
us that don't question that sentence
566
00:24:53,025 --> 00:24:55,441
because we don't realize it's a sentence
567
00:24:55,441 --> 00:24:58,202
that we can grab and edit. We think
568
00:24:58,202 --> 00:25:00,963
that's just the way it is. So please
569
00:25:00,963 --> 00:25:03,725
hear me say anything is the way it
570
00:25:03,725 --> 00:25:06,376
is. Just because you think it, not
571
00:25:06,376 --> 00:25:09,198
because that's the way it is, the way
572
00:25:09,198 --> 00:25:12,020
it is, is going to be different for
573
00:25:12,020 --> 00:25:14,136
every single person based on their
574
00:25:14,136 --> 00:25:15,900
perspective, based on their upbringing.
575
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,511
OK. So, the goal is
576
00:25:20,511 --> 00:25:22,525
not to become someone who never has
577
00:25:22,525 --> 00:25:24,251
thought errors or never notices. Wait,
578
00:25:24,251 --> 00:25:25,977
that's a limiting belief. You're human.
579
00:25:25,977 --> 00:25:28,279
It's going to happen. Your brain is going
580
00:25:28,279 --> 00:25:30,293
to create stories. We're going to look
581
00:25:30,293 --> 00:25:32,594
for the easiest way we're going to think
582
00:25:32,594 --> 00:25:35,269
that's true. But now
583
00:25:35,269 --> 00:25:38,102
we are also becoming people who notice
584
00:25:38,102 --> 00:25:40,530
when a thought doesn't serve us.
585
00:25:41,340 --> 00:25:43,111
It's like that's that is what's getting
586
00:25:43,111 --> 00:25:45,134
in my way right there, thinking that I
587
00:25:45,134 --> 00:25:47,917
need to go do this. If I do that, is that
588
00:25:47,917 --> 00:25:50,897
true?Are you willing to ask
589
00:25:50,897 --> 00:25:53,580
is this true? Are you willing to ask
590
00:25:53,580 --> 00:25:56,264
Is it fully true? Is there another way
591
00:25:56,264 --> 00:25:59,192
to see this?Have I made this
592
00:25:59,192 --> 00:26:00,860
harder than it needs to be?
593
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,721
Sometimes that thing keeping you
594
00:26:05,721 --> 00:26:07,930
stuck is not reality.
595
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,474
It's the sentence that you
596
00:26:11,474 --> 00:26:14,028
stopped questioning and you just
597
00:26:14,028 --> 00:26:16,892
started believing. So, if
598
00:26:16,892 --> 00:26:19,593
you're with me, grab a sentence that
599
00:26:19,593 --> 00:26:21,909
you stopped questioning, and you started
600
00:26:21,909 --> 00:26:24,610
believing. Mine is "I can't exercise once
601
00:26:24,610 --> 00:26:26,540
I start my work day."
602
00:26:27,690 --> 00:26:30,497
Grab on, work on editing it and see.
603
00:26:30,497 --> 00:26:32,602
Does that create a different existence?
604
00:26:32,602 --> 00:26:35,409
Do I like that? Is it possible for
605
00:26:35,409 --> 00:26:38,072
me?And let
606
00:26:38,072 --> 00:26:41,003
me know. Let me know. A closing quote
607
00:26:41,003 --> 00:26:43,933
for you. And this is by Adrienne Rich.
608
00:26:43,933 --> 00:26:46,497
Beware the stories you tell yourself. You
609
00:26:46,497 --> 00:26:49,289
are listening. Thank you for
610
00:26:49,289 --> 00:26:51,988
being here. I hope to see you again next
611
00:26:51,988 --> 00:26:54,387
time. I'm playing with the idea of doing
612
00:26:54,387 --> 00:26:56,486
a live podcast recording, and I wonder
613
00:26:56,486 --> 00:26:58,885
what you think about that. I can have
614
00:26:58,885 --> 00:27:01,283
people in the room with me, and this
615
00:27:01,283 --> 00:27:03,982
would be maybe a way that I could bring
616
00:27:03,982 --> 00:27:05,481
some more perspective into the
617
00:27:05,481 --> 00:27:06,981
conversation without having to put
618
00:27:06,981 --> 00:27:09,893
anybody right on the spot. Tell me what
619
00:27:09,893 --> 00:27:12,392
you think of that. As always, if you like
620
00:27:12,392 --> 00:27:14,613
what you hear, if it resonated with you,
621
00:27:14,613 --> 00:27:16,557
please feel free to share or like
622
00:27:16,557 --> 00:27:18,501
subscribe, do all the YouTube things. We
623
00:27:18,501 --> 00:27:20,444
really appreciate it, as well as our
624
00:27:20,444 --> 00:27:22,110
audio listeners over on Spotify and
625
00:27:22,110 --> 00:27:24,054
Apple. Thank you so much for spreading
626
00:27:24,054 --> 00:27:26,553
the work that we are doing. It helps us
627
00:27:26,553 --> 00:27:28,497
help more people. All right, we'll see
628
00:27:28,497 --> 00:27:30,180
you next time. Thank you.
629
00:27:37,371 --> 00:27:40,055
Thank you so much for being here. If
630
00:27:40,055 --> 00:27:41,733
something in today's episode resonated
631
00:27:41,733 --> 00:27:44,417
with you, we'd love for you to share
632
00:27:44,417 --> 00:27:47,101
it with a friend or leave a review.
633
00:27:47,101 --> 00:27:49,786
It helps others find this space. You can
634
00:27:49,786 --> 00:27:52,725
find fault. Episode transcripts and learn
635
00:27:52,725 --> 00:27:55,473
more about our amazing team
636
00:27:55,473 --> 00:27:57,122
of coaches at
637
00:27:57,122 --> 00:27:58,771
www.birchandstonecoaching.com. Until next
638
00:27:58,771 --> 00:28:01,519
time, stay rooted, stay resilient,
639
00:28:01,519 --> 00:28:04,267
and keep rising. This life
640
00:28:04,267 --> 00:28:07,015
of ours is worth showing
641
00:28:07,015 --> 00:28:08,114
up for.
